Welcome to the new month of October, may it bring you your heart desires! What is for you is already yours, always remember that!
Now let’s get into today’s topic, friendships revisited. This post will cover memories of lost friendships, when to cut friends off, what exactly is a friend, and also the feeling as if you have no friends and what to do! For those who are new to WhatChiSaid, I covered friendships before in chapter 1, but wanted to circle back as it was too broad of a topic to cover in one post. You can view the original friendship post here!
The concept of “friendship” is so interesting isn’t it? You are placed on this planet with no real rules on how to navigate your journey and then you meet people along the way who are also trying to figure life out. You may have a million things in common with the people you meet, you may have one thing in common, hey you may have nothing in common…but for some reason you click. You keep hanging out with said individual(s), you start to create memories, and now this once “random” individual has a vital role in your life. You’re comfortable in their presence, you trust them with your deepest of secrets, and now they are no longer just a name you’ve met…they are your friend.
Friendships are a gamble, a game of russian roulette with the potential to be a beautiful experience, tiring life lesson, or both. My journey has led me to cross paths with the most amazing individuals…but it has also led me to cross paths with some very interesting people to say the least. The thing with the interesting characters I use to have in my life. Before those friendships went sour, we had the most amazing and fun experiences and that’s what I want to discuss today.
Just because you have a falling out with an individual, that doesn’t mean there has to be animosity towards one another. If an individual does you wrong…acknowledge whatever initial feelings of anger, sadness, or disappointment you may have. But, after that? Move accordingly! What does that mean? Well, that means take whatever time you need to decide how you want to handle the situation.
Do you want to cut the person off? Do you want an apology? Do you want to talk it out? Do you just need some space?
Process your emotions and move accordingly! Once you come to a decision with yourself, release the negative feelings attached with the individual. You did the internal work and came to an understanding with yourself. So why emotionally harbor bad memories of an individual you became at peace with. I’m reading an amazing book right now (it’s the first book listed in book recommendations at the end of this post) and in the second part of the book, it discusses our hearts and how we open and close it. As in, let’s say a friend named Michelle yells at me and it hurts my feelings or made me mad. My body “registers” this feeling! It registers this feeling and if I don’t let this feeling pass, in that moment I’ll close my heart and I’ll re-close it everytime I’m reminded of the situation. The problem with closing our hearts, we are closing it off to the flow of energy trying to reach our heart chakra. If I don’t eventually “handle,” or in better words become at peace with that situation. Everytime I hear Michelle’s name or I’m reminded of that experience, my body will remember that unprocessed moment where she yelled at me, unknowingly close my heart, and have my mind shift to tunnel vision about that unprocessed situation. Those feelings are really energy. When you do the internal work to learn how to process your emotions in friendships you won’t get sucked into the energy, instead you’ll flow behind it, letting that initial energy take its natural course through you.
With those friendships that taught you life lessons about broken trust, loyalty, and led you to be less accepting of new people, replace those memories with the good you experienced with them. If it’s a lost friendship, I’m not saying rekindle! I’m simply saying, once you decided how you wanted to handle that friendship, stand firm in your decision and be at peace with the concept that you got to experience the good alongside with the bad. Don’t close your heart every time you’re reminded of them, let the energy flow…and flow behind it. Hopefully the good times are warm enough to hug your energy when you’re reminded of the chilling times with that person.
All this emotional work is all for you! Train yourself to keep your heart “open” as much as possible. Experience people while you have them and let those moments pass when they are no longer in your life. Let’s practice living only in the present! There’s a level of beauty and power that you experience in the present. If you absolutely have to look back, let it be to remember the good in those lost friendships!
Lets switch gears. When to cut people off, when to distance yourself, or when to talk things out and keep the friendship going when problems arise. The thing is…you already know the answer. You know yourself and how your mind and heart operates better than anyone! You know when a situation makes you feel emotionally heavy and you know when situations are trivial. You know what events you’d be able to tolerate and move past and you know what events are unacceptable and disrespectful. In other words…you know when you should cut someone off, you know when you just need space, and you know when a conversation is enough to rekindle a situation. You’re very much internally aware… so what’s stopping you?
Let’s define a friend. These are a few definitions I found online:
A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection
A person who acts as a supporter of a cause
A person who is not an enemy or who is on the same side
A familiar or helpful thing
A friend is someone who genuinely wants the best for you, there is mutual platonic affection, they support your dreams not downplay them or make you feel like they’re unachievable, they are not an enemy and therefore they don’t move as one-they don’t speak ill of you, spread your business, make you feel uncomfortable in shared spaces, break your trust, lie to you, attack you, you get the point! You know subconsciously you have an understanding of what you expect out of your friendships and what you won’t ever tolerate! When your “friend” stops acting like a friend, cut them off. It’s that simple. *I’m not talking about friends who are going through something emotionally in their personal lives so their change in behaviour is solely a physical representation of their emotional state. Those are case by case scenarios on how you want to continue moving forward*
Some people are meant to be experienced for a season or a few seasons. Don’t let a long history stop you from moving in the direction of your worth. If a friend of 10 years does something that is egregious and hurtful and I feel as if this is where we need to part ways whether it be temporarily or definitely…then so be it. Life will continue, time doesn’t stop, and just like how you randomly met them on your journey…guess what? Your journey doesn’t stop because that friendship ended, you’ll more than likely meet another random individual who you’ll click with and create memories with! That’s the beauty of life! It can be unexpected and dynamic, but it keeps going. When people stop acting like a friend, when you feel you’ve grown apart, when you feel like that season is up…do yourselves both a favor and grow separately.
Let’s switch gears for the last time in this post. Like I said, friendships are a very broad topic. Let’s say you’re in a lonely phase in your life where you feel like you don’t have any friends but you’re open to the idea of friendship. I’ve been there, I know how long this period of your life can feel. First, learn to love being alone. Practice being in your own company. Have your phone face down or off so you’re not on social media the entire time, be present in that moment. What do you like to do? What brings you joy? What music do you like? What food do you like? Do you enjoy reading or writing? Get to know yourself in its rawest, most vulnerable form! I say do this first because until you’ve learned to love your own company, there will always be a void that a “friend” can’t fill. Have others add to your life, not be the cause of why you enjoy living. Take yourself out on dates, vibrate higher! When you do this, you’ll naturally attract people who are also on the same journey and who are vibrating at your frequencies! Be patient, the world is filled with billions of people. You’ll attract a friend. Also, we are in the 21st century!
I know a lot of people who have found their friend/best friend via apps and social media. So hey, who knows! Try it! Download friend finding apps or social apps in general like twitter or instagram. Connect with people whom you feel match the vibe you want in a friend, reach out to them and set up a friend date. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take!
Those friendships you have that are thriving, flourishing, and somewhat maintaining itself because of the bond that was formed and only deepened with time? Cherish them, experience and appreciate them while they’re here. They may last a lifetime, they may not! Who knows, so appreciate the experiences as they come. As for the rest of those friends in your life that are interesting, questionable, and so forth. Cut them out of your life, take the space you need, or have that conversation. You know what to do. Learn to trust your intuition. Practice how to process your emotions. No more just letting everything go, acknowledge and adjust! Why? Because that’s #WhatChiSaid! See you next time! Don’t forget to subscribe below!
The Untethered Soul-The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer
Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
~These are just my thoughts and opinions
~If you enjoyed, share with a friend!
~Comments and/or feedback always welcomed!