a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations
Whew, this topic is extremely bittersweet. I currently have some amazing friendships, but like many, I’ve had my fair share of lessons. Building solid friendships are hard because it requires you to be vulnerable (something I ABSOLUTELY suck at), it requires you to open up and trust that the receiving individual genuinely has mutual respect and admiration for you as well. I’m not talking about acquaintances either, where y’all get together ever so often but there isn’t any depth in the relationship. I’m talking about friendships where y’all have witnessed one another at y’alls best…and well…the not-so best moments. Nevertheless, you consider them family! You’re not afraid to talk about those uncomfortable topics, you know if it came down to it they’d have your back, a shoulder (if need be) to cry on, a forever listening ear, and most importantly a bond rooted in TRUST.
Trust is soooo important in all forms of relationships. If anything, it’s the foundation of a friendship. At times you open up about pretty personal topics and have extremely deep conversations. You’re kind of just expecting another individual to keep it to themselves and not use your stories as topics of conversations outside of you. Believe it or not, it’s a scary thing because at the same time you’re also hoping if things ever go bad that y’all had a strong and solid enough friendship in the first place to the point where they still keep those conversations to themselves. Although trust and vulnerabilily isn’t easy and can be fearful, with the right people it’s worth it!
Friendships are so beautiful when done right. I’m a huge family person, so having family outside of my family is like constantly being embraced with warm hugs both literally and emotionally. My friends keep me emotionally grounded without even knowing. I don’t live at home, I rent a place with other individuals who attend my school so I don’t get to see my family all the time. I don’t even get to see my best friend that much either as she lives closer to my hometown than my school. In short, she’s literally God sent. My platonic soulmate I didn’t know I needed, a forever friend and sister. From day one we’ve always had each other’s back and we ride for each other, and that’s on what? PERIOD. Butttt on the flipside, I do live with one of my bestfriends that I met while in college and that has also been amazing. Our dynamic is natural. We bond over almost everything, from hiking, to music, to shared experiences, and I trust her open heartedly! However, our life schedules are different, so we at times can go a whole week, sometimes weekssss, and see each other once in passing.
So if it’s one thing I love about my school, it’s how many beautiful friendships have blossomed from my time there and how I’m never alone because of the bonds I formed. Well not alone emotionally, because physically? Oh, I need my alone time and personal space. But like I’ve said before, I’ve also had my fair share of lessons!
Lets get down to the nitty gritty. Yes, there are the amazing individuals who step into your life and change it for the better. But sadly, there are some people who are seasonal, some who are sent as distractions, and some who are solely there to get the inside scoop of your life while secretly praying for your downfall (we hate to see it right). THESE NIGGAS PRAYING ON MY DOWNFALL *Tee Grizzley voice*!
I really want to use this platform to be as transparent as I can without slandering another individual, so unfortunately I will not be using personal experiences in this specific post. Just know I’ve experienced it all! Losing a friend because of a guy, losing a friend due to broken boundaries, losing a friend due to trust being lost, so on and so forth.
The thing I’ve realized with broken friendships is that the other individual rarely acknowledges they were being a bad friend. There was ZERO accountability on their behalf. Listen y’all. Regardless of how you perceive your role in the situation. If the opposing individual expresses that you’ve hurt them in some way, shape or form-whether that be emotionally, mentally, or physically (hopefully not physically!) and you consider them your FRIEND, it is your obligation to acknoweldge that hurt and apologize…but that’s only if you value that friendship! *Do you honesty think a real friend will take a victim role if they didn’t actuall feel victimized* Till this day, those lost friendsips I’ve experienced, those individuals will genuinely express how great of a person they are (they probably are) but for some reason when it came to me, I received the water down version! And you know what? That is absolutely okay, they’re meant to be a friend for somebody… just not for me! If you have people like this in your life, where you think they’re seasonal, distractions, praying on your downfall, or just simply a bad friend you have two options:
- Have a conversation
- Cut them off
It’s literally that black and white. Depending on how close you and this person are, sometimes a conversation is enough. You can express your feelings in a healthy and transparent way and if the bond is strong enough, they won’t get offended. They actually might be happy you came to them with said feelings instead of harboring it in some form of attitude or detachment. However, as we all know life ain’t always sweet and tomorrow isn’t promised. I’m at that stage in my life where number 2 is just a mood. If I have to question your energy everytime you’re around…you got to go! If I find out you’ve been doing questionable things behind my back (that pertain to me) and it gets back to me before you have a conversation with me…you got to go! If I feel like you only have something to say when things aren’t going right, but silent in my successes? Ohh baybee you got to go!
It’s simply because realistically…it’s not that hard to be a good friend and conversations can get tiring when you already have such a solid circle. Or conversations can just simply be tiring in general, not because your circle is already solid but more so…why? Why did you even put me in the position to where I feel like I have to have this conversation in the first place? Real talk it’s exhausting. It gets more exhausting the older you get because most friendships start to be low maintenance, so when someone forces you into the “maintaining,” aspect, it’s just like ehhh, I’m solid (for certain friendship dynamics, some are worth fighting for). I for sure have had my moments when I wasn’t a great friend *not my proudest moments* and you know what was done to me? Someone had that conversation with me or they decided to cut me off. It’s life, it happens!!! Listen, learn and process, and genuinely make the effort to do better with your other friendships.
Respect and trust one another, keep yall’s conversations amongst yourselves, reciprocate energy, and be there for one another. That’s it…from there, bonds eventually grow deeper and the tacit requirements of yall’s friendship just somehow become universally known and grow as y’all grow.
That friendship you’ve been questioning? Listen, tomorrow isn’t promised, claim your peace TODAY and every other day. Have that conversation or just simply cut them off. Why? Because that’s #WhatChiSaid! See you next week!
~Professional help is always recommended, if needed.
~People aren’t perfect so mistakes and miscommunication are bound to happen. So it’s up to you to assess the situation and decide if that friendship was worth a conversation or a cut off.
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