Expectations

*This week’s topic will be a 2 week topic. This week I will be talking about expectations when it comes to others and next week I’ll be talking about expectations with self*

Noun:

A belief that someone will or should achieve something

“The secret to happiness is having low expectations.”

 Yessss…right? Wrong. This truly used to be my outlook on life, but as of this year it has drastically taken a 180! I disagree with the quote and I’ll explain why. 

If a person is in your life, I’m talking about an individual that has an actual position in your life. Such as a friend, bestfriend, romantic partner, mentor, etc. In other words a position that is rooted in any level of trust or vulnerability…there should most definitely be expectations and they should not be low. 

When I think of low expectations, I think of someone saying excuse me when they’re trying to get by or someone telling you bless you when you sneeze…these are bare minimum expectations. When it comes to relationships like the ones listed above, expectations should be set way higher than the baseline.

In regards to relationships-transactional, platonic, and romantic. It is extremely valid and normal to expect the other individual to be kind, honest, trustworthy, and loyal. YES, these are expectations and no they are not low ones. These are probably some of the highest expectations you can have because they are the umbrella terms to numerous other expectations. 

EXPECTATIONS SHOULD ALWAYS BE SET. EXPECTATIONS SHOULD ALWAYS BE SET. EXPECTATIONS SHOULD ALWAYS BE SET. EXPECTATIONS SHOULD ALWAYS BE SET.

I’m pro expectations! I have the same sentiments about them as I do boundaries. I had a “Q&A,” on my instagram page about boundaries and one individual responded saying:

“They can be set at any time. Humans are dynamic. Our needs change as we change.”

I think this was BEAUTIFULLY said. We are dynamic and our needs change as we change. Expectations and boundaries go hand in hand and correlate to our needs. The gist of the Q&A was that boundaries are necessary and should be implemented in all forms of relationships in order to maintain a healthy bond. In my opinion, expectations follow the same guidelines. In fact, having boundaries is having expectations. If you expect others to abide by your boundaries…that’s an expectation! Therefore if all relationships should have boundaries…all relationships should have expectations.  

 What we expect out of others usually falls in line with who we currently are and what our current needs encompass. Setting expectations help keep people in our life…who actually need to be in our life. So make sure you’re aware of your expecations in your relationships! 

We should be striving to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good, who aid in elevating us, who meet us as we grow and if they aren’t growing at the same pace as us, then people who accept us for who we constantly become as we grow. Therefore, we should expect the people in our lives to refrain from reminding of our past selves, if it’s in a negative manner. We should expect them to be a good friend, with however we subjectively define what a good friend means to us. Expect them to meet us halfway in arguments, disagreements, whatever it may be. Have expectations, so when people fall short of them, you know the true role they play in your life. 

You should never have to lower your expectations to keep a friendship or relationship. What you can do though is change the role they play in your life when they don’t meet them. You don’t have to literally say, “Hey, you don’t meet my expectations,” or even have a conversation about expectations. Relationships and mentorships, conversations are extremely  more than likely. Friendships however? Not necessarily ( but always do what you want). Have a conversation if you feel it’s necessary, but always gauge what’s worth your efforts. You don’t have to sever ties with people who don’t meet them, you can accept them for who they are and not the idea you had of them. You know, peep and move accordingly.

When people fall short of your expectations…it’s more of a reflection on them and their character than on you. With that being said, it shouldn’t have an effect on your happiness when expectations aren’t met. Remember from my peace of mind post, I talk about how happiness is a lifestyle, a choice. The secret to happiness is choosing happiness, you should always strive to be happy on your own and have others add to your happiness..not be the cause of it. That way when expectations aren’t met, you’re still happy. If anything you should have a greater sense of elation knowing that someone has shown you who they are and you can now move accordingly.  

In that same stride, no one wants to feel like they have to “please” you or bend to your needs to feel like they’re being a good friend to you. So be realistic, expect out of others what you would be willing to uphold yourself.

Know your worth and have your expectations be a reflection of that. Why? Because that’s #WhatChiSaid! See you next week! Don’t forget to subscribe below!

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Published by WhatChiSaid

instagram: @Whatchisaid_

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