Confidence and Insecurities



a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities


uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence

Everyone always says to walk in your truth unapologetically and to be a force to be reckoned with. I agree, but that takes confidence. In order to fully walk in our confidence, we have to acknowledge those qualities, features, or whatever it may be that ignites our insecurities.

If you are someone who has always been naturally confident and insecurity is a word that you feel doesn’t apply to your life-First and foremost I salute you and your morale ! However, this specific post discusses overcoming and accepting our insecurities so we can embrace our confidence without conditions. Ergo, this one may not be for you.

In my opinion, insecurity is inevitable. I think overtime the term “insecurity” adopted a more dark outlook than the term actually embodies. In a world where change is the only constant, uncertainty is literally lurking around every corner. We can only hope that tomorrow brings what we want it to bring, we can only wish that our relationships turn out as beautifully as they do in our head, we can only long  to overlook what we deemed as “physical flaws,” but nothing is ever guaranteed. That fear of the unknown, that anxious feeling in relationships, that sense of self-dissatisfaction is what usually sparks our insecurity. Amongst many other factors such as open wounds *emotional* from past traumatic events, societal standards, family expectations, etc.

The extremely confident may disagree…but I think insecurities are okay. WAIT, LET ME EXPLAIN! Insecurities are typically cause and effect. Examples-

  1.  A person who thinks they  have broad shoulders and because of that, they are insecure of their physical appearance and refrain from wearing off the shoulder tops and dresses. 
  1. A person who doesn’t know how to express/accept love so they are afraid their partner won’t know how much they love and appreciate them. They think their partner will eventually leave them. As a result they self sabotage by picking fights, excessively asking for reassurance , etc.
  1. A person who doesn’t make as much as their peers and feel as if people will judge their financial status. As a result, when they do tap into more money they buy designer items to create the illusion they have a lot of money.

These are only some examples. Insecurity is too broad to cover in one post. There is financial insecurity, physical insecurity, emotional insecurity, food insecurity, etc. Again, too many to cover. Nevertheless, what I picked up on is that it’s usually cause and effect. Now to clarify, when I said insecurity is okay….I meant the CAUSE is okay. Now the EFFECT? That’s what needs to be worked on!

 The reasons behind our insecurities are very valid, our feelings are always valid! Insecurities are created. They are created by comparing physical features to societal standards or to another individual whose physical appearance is admired. They are created in our childhood, as in if a person  grew up in an unloving household, convinced themselves that they had no say so in how they turned out and unintentionally became a product of their environment….so on and so forth, they are created in numerous ways. Since we create our insecurities, we somewhat have control on how we let them run our lives. It’s not easy…at all. I have some insecurities that I’ve been working on since I got to college and I’m STILL working on them. Have they improved? Yes. My insecurities are valid just like yours. Now the role I’ve let them play in my life? Very minimal. I worked on the effects. 

Using the examples from above. In the first one, the individual stopped wearing off the shoulder tops and dresses because they convinced themselves their shoulders are too broad. As a result, they aren’t the biggest fan of their physical experience.

WEAR THAT OFF THE SHOULDER OUTFIT! Do what your insecurity has been encouraging you not to do. Show your insecurity who’s boss. Yes, at first it may be scary, but you have to embrace your insecurity. If we don’t work towards embracing them, they will mentally run our lives forever. We have to be courageous and take that first step to debunking them. I’m not confident because I have no insecurities, I’m confident because I’ve accepted them. I’ve accepted them to the point that I forgot I had some of them in the first place! It’s about conistency! Be consistent in your efforts in overcoming your insecurities.

If we don’t accept we project!!!-WhatChiSaid

Same with the example where the person is fearsome that their partner might leave them because of their lack of expression. TRUST THAT THEY ARE WITH YOU BECAUSE THEY FEEL LOVED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. You can always have a conversation too, but odds are by being with you, they’ve picked up on how you show love and are okay with it. 

With the last example…listen. Most people are struggling financially and are sadly doing the same thing. There is NOTHING wrong with not be able to buy every new phone, gaming system, designer outfits, etc. So you better save your coins for your needs (of course every now and then treat yourself with things you want!). Flexing for the gram is not impressive. Financial literacy on the other hand? BEAUTIFUL. Don’t be ashamed with the cards you were dealt… learn how to turn them into a winning hand.

Then you have certain insecurities that are caused by others. For instance, when the presence of a certain individual makes you doubt your looks or capabilities. Another example is a person who has reiterrated that they think you’re a failure to the point where you started believing them. I personally haven’t experienced scenarios like this so I don’t want to speak loosely. However, I’d tackle it the same way I tackled anxiety in my anxiety post. As in I’d really sit and get introspective to find the root cause. What exactly about that said person makes me feel some type of way? Why do I believe them when they try and tear me down? Find the root cause, undig them, and replant them with affirmations of your worth. Keep affirming yourself until you start genuinely believing them and surround yourself with people who believe in you too! 

Everyone is fighting an internal battle they do not speak of. We are all continously learning about ourselves and trying to navigate a world without directions. So YES. I think insecurities are okay…the cause at least. But the effect? Let’s work towards embracing our insecurities and stop letting them control how we operate our lives. Why? Because that’s #WhatChiSaid! See you next week! Don’t forget to subscribe below!


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